The Text Messages Sent During a Marathon

✓Here’s a small collection of the worst messages you can send during a marathon.

“I can’t do this anymore ”

The bestseller, sent thousands of times around mile 22. Yes, it’s hard. Of course you’re struggling. It’s a marathon, not a Sunday stroll. Breathe, take a drink and keep moving.

“ I’m turning back ”

Terrible idea. First of all, who turns around at mile 14? You’ll still have to run the same distance. You might as well keep going and finish with a medal around your neck rather than an embarrassing out-and-back.

“ Actually, I’m going to finish it ”

Ah! There we go, things are looking up. After three sobs, a FaceTime call with Mum and a stolen cookie from the aid station, morale returns. And off you go again. Until the next text. Hang in there, the finish and the line are getting closer…

“ This is the last one, I promise! ”

Nobody believes you. It’s not worth wasting energy sending this. Save your battery; we know you’re lying. Let’s get into a more positive mindset and keep going! You’ve got this, no question.

“ Can you come and get me? ”

You don’t cover 26.2 miles in an Uber. That’s cheating, isn’t it? Just a few more miles, you have to see it through. It’s hard, no doubt, but that will make the finish even sweeter. Finishing in a car is not an option. And just imagine telling your colleagues you finished your marathon… from the back seat.

“ I threw up ”

Oh no! Okay, it’s definitely not ideal, but it’s not the end of the world. Apparently it’s happened to other runners too. You should be fine. You’ll hold together. Besides, finishing a marathon without making a mess is overrated.

“ I’ve got cramps, this isn’t going well ”

Nobody’s doing well with cramps. Time for a quick pit stop, as they say. Stretch, complain, cover yourself in cooling gel and set off again with as much dignity as a limp can offer.

“ Can you ask if there’s a finisher shirt? ”

And if there isn’t a shirt, does the race stop? Come on, that’s not how it works. This message doesn’t even deserve a reply. Enjoy the surprise at the finish!

“ I’m walking ”

Yes, it happens, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Walking still means moving forward; that’s what matters. The finish arch is getting closer, it’s simple maths. And you’ll see, you’ll run into other zombies along the way. Instant walking club.

“ But… why did you give me this? ”

And there it is… That marathon entry was a birthday present, given with the best of intentions. A marathon entry as proof of love. You can thank your loved ones at the finish. After your shower. And your nap.

What about you? Have you ever tried to contact your parents, friends, partner or even a colleague during a race? Come on, hang in there, it’ll be fine!

26.2 miles, 50,000 strides, 12 sugary gels… and three distress texts sent to your long-suffering loved ones. In an ideal world, your phone stays tucked away. In real life, it becomes the confidant for every race-day meltdown. A selection of messages you should never type between two bouts of cramp.